...where premium quality and sustainability go hand-in-hand

COFFEE HUMOR

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HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE....


You know you are drinking too much coffee when...
  • You can "out-yip" your chihuaha.
  • There's more grounds than soil around your garden plants.
  • You make coffee ice cubes for your iced coffee.
  • You eat coffee jello (or coffee agar for coffee-lovin' vegetarians).
  • You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  • You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  • People get dizzy just watching you.You sleep with your eyes open.
  • You have to watch videos in fast forward.
  • People can test batteries in your ears.
  • You don't get mad; you get steamed.
  • You don't tan; you roast.
  • you answer your door before anyone knocks. (sender: Raul Cepe)
  • you speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson (sender: Achilles Barnum)
  • you're employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. (sender: another HS classmate who doesn't want to reveal his name)

CAFFEINE ADDICT'S QUIZ
sent by Chris Gahan

Do you want to know if you are a Coffee/Caffeine Addict?
YES, YOU!
If you suffer from this disease, missing just one trip to
Starbucks could be FATAL. The following series of Yes/No questions will allow us to
determine your Addiction Factor.
Then just take this simple quiz:

Keep track of the number of Yes and No answers you get and chart yourself at the end. Remember: Prevention is the best medicine. Or was it laughter? Either way, read on.

1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?

2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier?

3. Have you ever woken up in a puddle of your own coffee?

4. Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee than go to sleep?

5. a) Have you ever drunk cold coffee?
   
b) Right out of the pot? 

6. Do you spend more than 20% of your income on coffee and/or coffee related products?

7. Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?

8. Has anyone ever told you that you "have a problem"?

9. Do you need coffee:
  
a) ...to get up in the morning?
   b) ...to get out of bed?
   c) ...to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?


10. Do you own a "Coffee Helmet"?
  
(For the culturally ignorant,a coffee-helmet is a hat with coffee-cups attached to it
and a straw coming out of each cup leading to the mouth, used for hands-free
drinking.) 


11. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you "Ona mac towanda"
   (Smells-like- coffee)?

12. Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the Richter scale as well as by its frequency?

13. Have you ever sold personal or other people's possessions just to get your fix for the day?

14. Does the phrase "Swiss water decaffeinated" strike terror into your heart?

15. a) Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
     
b) ...in more than five?
      c) ...in your bathroom?


16. a) Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards anymore?
     b) ...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?
     c) ...and it's bad for the environment?


17. Do you grind your own coffee?

18. Do you grow your own coffee?

19. Have you ever been fired from a job because you're "drinking their profits"? 

20. a) Do you know Juan Valdez?
    
b) ...and his donkey?
     c) ...intimately?

21. Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?

22. a) Is sleep a hobby of yours?
    
b) ...that you don't like?
     c) ...because it's too frustrating?

Score Your Results and Determine Your Addiction Factor!

Response Ratio Addiction Factor

Yes/No Analysis:

20-22/ 0-2
You are a well-rounded member of society with a love for life and you are
very wise.

17-19/ 3-5
You are a slightly jagged member of society, life's okay but it could be
better and you are relatively naive.

0-16/ 6-22
What are you, some kinda nature-freak tree-hugger!? Coffee's not good
enough for you, huh? Here, have some more TOFU! How about some ALFALFA
TEA?!?






Be a coffee bone tickler. If you have a coffee joke, send it over to us at kapekabite@gmail.com and we will publish your name together with your joke. A surprise gift awaits the best sender for the month. Entries must be in English.         - thanks